[Cabbage]

I've recently been looking into starting myself up freelancing as some of you may know, I've finished my website and now I'm about ready to go client hunting. I've got an idea of sending letters to local businesses in my area which are new, or established but without a website. I've done some work on the letter but to be honest I'm not too confident with my writing abilities and would like some advice.

The letter is attached in an image (to show the general design) but I'll add the content of the letter as text too so it's easier to read through .

Quote

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am a local Derby based web designer and web developer specialised in creating websites and web services for new and already established businesses. I have over ten years of experience in web design and development and have built websites for many clients.
For a reasonable fee I can create a website for your business which will establish you on the World Wide Web. Having an Internet presence will simultaneously grant you a larger target demographic and at the same time give your customers another way to interact with your business.
No matter how technically proficient you are I am confident that I will be able to provide an ideal web solution for your business. You can have as much or as little control over the website as you want. Some of my clients leave almost everything up to me, while others like to take a more hands on approach - the choice is completely up to you.
If you are interested in a completely free no-obligation quote then get in touch with me. There’s no pressure to buy and no hard sell involved. Examples of some of my previous work are available on my website (www.benanderton.co.uk) along with testimonials from some of my past clients.

Yours Faithfully,


Mr Benjamin Anderton

The letter itself (unfortunately I don't really live in "I can haz cheeseburger" )
 letter.png (34.62K)
Number of downloads: 24

[Dizi]

Rather than it looking like spam it might be an idea to tailor make your letters to each person....yes I know hard work, but just a little research on who the directer/owner of the company is and a little bit that is made just for that company. This way even though it is still a junk mass produced letter it looks as though you care enough to do you research rather than send and hope.

The sales side of the company always do this when cold calling, it just makes it that little bit more personal as it appears like they have taken the time to learn about the company rather than just phoning and asking to speak to who is in charge of the advertising.

[Cabbage]

Dizi, on Jul 4 2008, 16:15, said:

Rather than it looking like spam it might be an idea to tailor make your letters to each person....yes I know hard work, but just a little research on who the directer/owner of the company is and a little bit that is made just for that company. This way even though it is still a junk mass produced letter it looks as though you care enough to do you research rather than send and hope.

The sales side of the company always do this when cold calling, it just makes it that little bit more personal as it appears like they have taken the time to learn about the company rather than just phoning and asking to speak to who is in charge of the advertising.

Thanks for the advice on that. I'll do my research before I go printing and mailing . I'll probably add in a paragraph or so suited to the company (so for a carpet shop something like "we can display your work and give online samples blah blah" - probably not a good example) along with the boilerplate letter.

[Shaun]

Dizi, on Jul 4 2008, 16:15, said:

Rather than it looking like spam it might be an idea to tailor make your letters to each person.

Definately. I am a strong believer of direct-marketing. I actually received an invitation recently to attend a direct marketing exhibition in Central London. It only appealed to me because the invite itself was a comic strip and one of the characters was me and it was based at my place of work.

[Dizi]

Shaun, on Jul 4 2008, 17:43, said:

Definately. I am a strong believer of direct-marketing. I actually received an invitation recently to attend a direct marketing exhibition in Central London. It only appealed to me because the invite itself was a comic strip and one of the characters was me and it was based at my place of work.

Wow that was such a good idea for mail

[Cabbage]

Any words on the copy itself?

[Shaun]

Ok sorry, I didn't really read into the first time round. Maybe small things like indentation to come across a little more professional. I think perhaps 'Kind Regards' or 'Best Regards' is better suited in this case rather than 'Yours Faithfully' if you use the recipient's name.

Perhaps consider the following changes:

'For a reasonable fee I can create a website for your business which will establish you on the World Wide Web.'

Remove - Elaborate

Although people like when services are affordable, mentioning this in an introductory letter can be dangerous as the recipient could take it the wrong way. It is pretty vague and could lead to potential disappointment. If they are looking for work to be done, they will enquire about costs, creating instant leads.

Obviously you will not want to go into too much detail of HOW you will establish the target's company online but it would be good to state some facts and the benefits of having a web site.

I hope that is more useful

[wizely]

Hi Cabbage

Good advice so far - it's critical you at least address it to a name but, yes, it's much better to research a prospect and write a tailored letter to each one - better to give yourself a chance with 50 companies than none at all with 5,000!

Before I hit the copy, as you're a designer, you definitely need to think of some way to incorporate eye-catching graphics - I know I'm all about the words, they will do the selling, but much easier to sell if you show your skills. By that I don't mean just plonk in some random graphics, I mean come-up with some hook - like that brilliant comic strip idea.

In my career I got stacks of junk mail and I never read anything that wasn't quirky, or simply gorgeous or didn't make me chuckle. There's no reason you have to go for a letter format at all - have you considered a leaflet/flyer or better still an interactive CD of your work with a well designed case that has your sales copy on it etc.

If you do go for a letter there's no reason the actual copy has to read like a letter. Other approaches are to write it like a 'story', like an article, a whitepaper etc. What your copy must do is:

• grab attention and maintain it
  
• Provide an answer to a prospect's problem
  
• Build credibility and trust
  
• Nail a response

Anyway, back to the copy:

Sorry for this but let's pick some things to avoid:

Quote

I am a local Derby based web designer and web developer specialised in creating websites and web services for new and already established businesses. I have over ten years of experience in web design and development and have built websites for many clients.

Don't lead all about you - I don't care yet.

Quote

For a reasonable fee I can

Too early to ask for cash - so far you've told me who you are and now you're asking for cash? It's also passive (use 'I will' not 'I can' and 'reasonable' doesn't sound confident).

Quote

create a website for your business which will establish you on the World Wide Web. Having an Internet presence will simultaneously grant you a larger target demographic and at the same time give your customers another way to interact with your business.

Blah, blah - not punchy, doesn't sound concrete and is this anything you offer or are you just lecturing? "grant you a larger target demographic" - oh, thanks for granting me a larger target - I have huge targets it's results I want.

Quote

No matter how technically proficient you are I am confident that I will be able to provide an ideal web solution for your business. You can have as much or as little control over the website as you want. Some of my clients leave almost everything up to me, while others like to take a more hands on approach - the choice is completely up to you.

Sounds a bit patronising, a tad arrogant and your opinion doesn't count - you're bias (of course "you're confident" but do you have evidence - should I be?)

Quote

If you are interested in a completely free no-obligation quote then get in touch with me. There’s no pressure to buy and no hard sell involved. Examples of some of my previous work are available on my website (www.benanderton.co.uk) along with testimonials from some of my past clients.

In a sales letter there should be pressure to buy or it'll go in the bin. That pressure should be subtle, but strong and never mention it - our brains can't handle negatives without first picturing the positive. e.g. "Don't think about a purple monkey juggling oranges" - did you think of that monkey even though I told you not to?!

Sorry for being so critical, but you did ask! My advice is to play to your strengths - come up with some creative hook, use your design skills to grab attention and then don't be afraid to actually sell with your copy!
Consider using headlines, telling a story, quoting facts and statistics and lead up front with what the prospect will get, what problem will be solved or what need filled. Then say how you specifically will provide the solution. Consider a time-limited offer to get response. e.g. "Call today for a 25% discount" or "July only; enter this promotional code..." or perhaps a give-away. e.g. "Sign-up today for a free consultation" etc.

You could get really creative - here's an idea that could generate something:

Design a flier that has a striking image of a nice cup of tea and your sales copy and then attach a teabag to it and make your hook "Take a moment over a nice cuppa to consider growing your business" something like that.

I've spent many years analysing and targeting marketing campaigns (including direct mail) and have trained at the IDM (Institute of Direct Marketing) so I meant this to help you and not emotionally scar you by savaging your copy!

[Cabbage]

Wizely thank you, this is some incredible advice and exactly what I'm after as regards any criticism . I'm a wee bit drunk right now as I've been at my friends bonfire but I'll have a good look over this thread in the morning and change my content appropriately .

Thanks again!

[Cabbage]

How's this?

Quote

Dear Sir/Madam,

Did you know that over 70% of UK businesses have a website? With an Internet presence you can massively increase your exposure to new customers and reap the benefits of being online. A website will also make it easier for your customers, opening up new ways for them to interact with your business.

Using my ten years of experience in web design I will create a custom made solution for your business with your goals and ambitions in mind. You can have as much or as little control over the website as you desire. Some of my clients leave almost everything up to me, while others like to take a more hands on approach – the choice is completely up to you.

If you are interested in a completely free no-obligation quote then get in touch with me. Examples of some of my previous work are available on my website (www.benanderton.co.uk) along with testimonials from some of my past clients.
Contact me for a quote in the next week and receive a 25% discount on your website.

Yours Faithfully,


Mr Benjamin Anderton

[Cabbage]

bump

[1christopher]

Personally, i would say longer than a week. Lets face it, it might not even get there in a week

Also, instead of a discount, maybe something more tangible. People will think you inflate your price to offer the discount, how about a free year hosting and domain?

[wizely]

Getting better, but I'd go more personalised, more catchy and stronger. Also, if it were me... I'd drop the whole letter format - especially for small businesses.
OK, lecture over! If you're going for the above - here's a couple of pointers:

Quote

Did you know that over 70% of UK businesses have a website? With an Internet presence you can massively increase your exposure to new customers and reap the benefits of being online. A website will also make it easier for your customers, opening up new ways for them to interact with your business.

This is a bit vague - doesn't establish credibility and I reckon it'd get the "yeah, yeah - stop nagging" response - these businesses haven't been persuaded by the other 70%, so try to appeal straight to their wallets:

A website will improve your sales. Research carried out by Tickbox.Net identified that 53% of consumers would walk away from a business with no web presence - even if they weren't buying online.
Shopping habits have changed - having a website is no longer for big business and it's not only nerds who surf. The internet is becoming a way of life - people window-shop online, compare prices, get reviews... can you really afford not to cash-in? With a website you can get in local web directories, print your website on business cards and get customers into your shop.

Quote

Using my ten years of experience in web design I will create a custom made solution for your business with your goals and ambitions in mind. You can have as much or as little control over the website as you desire. Some of my clients leave almost everything up to me, while others like to take a more hands on approach – the choice is completely up to you.
If you are interested in a completely free no-obligation quote then get in touch with me. Examples of some of my previous work are available on my website (www.benanderton.co.uk) along with testimonials from some of my past clients.
Contact me for a quote in the next week and receive a 25% discount on your website.

Stuff 'solutions' and 'goals', without a website these guys aren't likely to be filled with business acumen! Instead go for the wallet again and play the local card - I doubt they trust the internet. Also the "if you are interested" is weak and the offer is just tacked on at the end. Consider something like:

A website is cheaper than you think. From just £X you can improve sales. I've got 10 years of web design experience and I live just around the corner - I know the area, I know the people and I've seen your competition. Give me a call and I can come down to your business and we can discuss building a website that will reach people and take a bite out of the competition. I make the process hassle-free.
So why not take a look at my previous work and read testimonials from satisfied customers on my website (www.benanderton.co.uk) and get in touch to arrange a meeting? Call in the next 7 days and you'll even get [your offer].


I've gone for meetings to push the local angle and that these guys probably don't use tinternet much. If you don't do phone calls or meetings then it's easily changed.

Just my thoughts - I hope it helps again!

[Cabbage]

Many many thanks Wizely! I'll investigate something other than a letter, I love the emphasis on being local I'll definitely use that.

[harsh_creativearts]

Awesome thread learned so many things aww thankz to everyone for there brilliant ideaz specially wizely