[wizely]

Part 4
Bowel-Looseningly Funny Copywriting Howlers


The following snippets are based on real copy that has made it into websites, newspapers, ads and the like. I've only edited them for clarity.

Some great headlines
Troops return back to front
High court to try shooting defendant
Local hero helps dog bite victim
Obesity study looks for larger test group
Grandmother of six makes hole in one
Stolen paintings found by tree
Milk drinkers are turning to powder
2 convicts evade noose: jury hung
Include your children in baking


Some misguided selling
Mixing bowl designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
Dog for sale – eats anything, fond of children.
Please don't handle the goods – ask for Kate.
Our new service is unrivalled inconvenience.
You don't get once-in-a-lifetime offers like this every day.
With me you don't get a poor design done with templates – it's done by hand.
Why use another designer and get a sub-standard design when I can do it for you?


Some interesting ads
Sunday's sermon – 'What is hell?' Come early and listen to the choir practice.
For those of you with children and don't know it, there's an on-site crèche.
What's more beautiful for a woman to wear to a party? My answer, and I'm sure you'll agree, is 'nothing'.
We are sad to announce that Mrs Smith is recuperating from a car accident.
Mr Smith supports societies for the banning of cruel sports, country music and French speaking.
For this passion fruit mousse you can easily substitute banana for passion.


Some interesting reporting
Miss Smith performed several vocal solos and a return to instrumental music was greatly appreciated.
The ladies of the WI said the bring-and-buy sale was a great success. Everybody brought something they didn't need. Many of the ladies were accompanied by their husbands.
The man died after several hours waiting for an anecdote.
The fire was extinguished before damage could be done by the local fire brigade.
'Unauthorised leaks must stop' said the MP with a trace of irrigation in his voice.
The pool has rapidly taken shape since the builders threw in the bulk of their workers.
A tapestry was stolen from the church last night. Measuring nine feet by six feet, the thief has police baffled.


Not so funny
Hopefully you found these examples funny. But can you see how easy it would be for just one blunder like this on your site to completely destroy all your credibility?
Each of these examples would sail through a spelling and grammar check. The lesson here? Well, apart from pointing-out some pitfalls, they show how important it is to read and re-read your copy.


KISS
The easiest way to avoid making a blunder is the KISS rule (Keep It Simple Stupid). Try to make sure there's only one subject in a sentence and make sure what you write can only be taken one way – watch out for double entendres.
The hardest part of English is getting the 'little words' right – the words that exist only to aid readability and clarify what's going on. A lot of mistakes come from chopping these words out to make a sentence shorter – it's why headlines can often be misinterpreted.

From here we're going to load-up your 'toolbox' by looking at how words are the building-blocks of style in Part 5 'Words as brushes'.

[wizely]

The Joke thread reminded me of this one - supposedly from a real doctors report:

Quote

An examination of the patient's genitalia revealed that he was circus sized

[Scott S]

LMAO


Ouch?